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Writer's pictureAllie Jayne

How Therapy Informed by DBT-PE Helps You Overcome Anxiety & Heal the Harm Caused by Emotionally Immature Parents

Updated: Sep 17

September 15, 2024


By Allie Jayne Reed, MS, LMHC, NCC

Seattle Trauma Therapist, Anxiety Specialist & Trauma-Informed Coach


anxious millennial woman participating in DBT-PE informed therapy to heal the harm caused by emotionally immature parents

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Prolonged Exposure (DBT-PE) is a specialized approach to treating trauma that was developed by Dr. Melanie Harned. In this post I will describe what DBT-PE is, how DBT-PE informed therapy for treating wounds caused by emotionally immature parents works, and when/why you should consider participating in it.


If you're unsure of whether or not you have trauma, that's okay! If you are struggling with anxiety, people pleasing, internalizing your emotions & just know you have wounds from your upbringing with emotionally immature family, then DBT-PE informed therapy is still effective. Before I explain how, remember this…


Anxiety is often born from emotionally immature parents failing to meet our emotional & attachment needs.


Many people who struggle with anxiety are struggling with anxiety because of developmental needs going unmet in childhood from emotionally immature parents. Though on the surface their problems look like anxiety & ADHD, what's at the root is often trauma (physical, emotional, relational), unmet emotional needs, and/or traumatic invalidation. Sure, an individual with emotionally mature parents & a secure attachment gets anxious too, but they don't live in a state of anxiety & struggle with boundaries & people pleasing to the same extent. This is typically unique to the adult children of emotionally immature parents, and healing this is possible.



 

What is DBT-PE anyway?


DBT-PE integrates DBT skills & interventions with exposure & processing to effectively treat PTSD.


There are 3 key components to DBT-PE that make it work: in-vivo (real life) exposures, imaginal exposures, and processing. These 3 components work together to confront your trauma & increase your emotion regulation & mindfulness, as well as change negative beliefs about yourself, others & the world by getting you to approach situations you usually avoid because it reminds you of trauma or creates feelings of shame.


When you approach situations that you usually avoid during in-vivo exposures, you learn new information that causes your old beliefs that were shaped by trauma to change. When you confront traumatic memories during imaginal exposures, you become less distressed by them & more in control of your reactions to them; you allow yourself to safely experience the emotions associated with them, and watch them come down. When you process your traumatic memories with your therapist, you connect dots that you hadn't previously connected & develop a better sense of what happened, deep in your wise mind, without so much emotional distress.


DBT-PE stops the cycles that maintain PTSD: Beliefs formed from trauma, which create interpretations of the present that are fueled by your past, which create so many painful, unwanted, and sometimes unjustified emotions, which create AVOIDANCE (the real enemy). It is divided into 3 stages: skills acquisition & behavioral control, emotional processing of trauma, and building a life without PTSD.



How DBT-PE informed therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents works


I take my clients through 3 stages in DBT-PE Informed Therapy that are loosely derived from the traditional DBT-PE model.


Stage 1 is all about helping you to get a handle on your experiences & your symptoms. This is where all your thoughts, feelings & experiences are untangled, and you may receive lots of psychoeducation, do informal processing & simply gain a better understanding of your wounds & how they show up in your day-to-day. On top of that, this is where you learn DBT skills to begin getting the hang of applying them to your daily life. Anxiety feels so much better managed after Stage 1, and you feel a deeper understanding of yourself.


Stage 2 is where the DBT-PE interventions are intertwined into treatment. We begin working together to plan your in-vivo (real life) exposures, as well as utilizing imaginal exposure & processing techniques in session to explore your past experiences. As your trauma-driven beliefs begin changing from in-vivo exposures, you also begin having an even deeper understanding of your experiences as a child & now as an adult of emotionally immature parents. The anxiety, shame, and guilt begin to dissipate, and the grief & frustration come to the surface to be processed & further healing takes place.


In Stage 3 you're ready to transform from your Role Self into your Authentic Self. With the healing that has occurred in the previous Stages, you have a pretty good grasp on who your Role Self vs. Authentic Self is, and now it's time to practice embodying the Authentic Self. This is where new problems may arise, and we work together to solve them. Stage 3 is often where even more practice with embodying boundaries comes into play, or taking action steps toward goals you'd only dreamed of moving towards before. It can also be known as 'maintenance mode'. Some tweaks may be made to how you manage problems in your life, or we work together to address ongoing problems as they may arise because let's be real, if you have emotionally immature parents / family members, problems are bound to arise, especially if they're not used to this new you.



When & Why you need to consider participating in DBT-PE informed therapy


If you're taking the time to read this post, then you're probably trying to find solutions & ways to help you heal the harm caused by emotionally immature parents. You probably are a self-reflective individual who values self-growth - being raised by emotionally immature parents made you so. I know personally how hard it is to be in your shoes. As a therapist, I see the ways anxious millennials are impacted by their emotionally immature parents everyday. Struggles with constant anxiety, sometimes panic, social anxiety, believing everything is your fault, over-working, perfectionism, shape-shifting to please others, exhaustion, shame & guilt to name a few. Of course you want to heal the root cause of all of these symptoms; you want to feel truly present in each moment, you want to experience more joy & create a beautiful life while you have the chance.


But you can't do it alone: healing trauma is INTERPERSONAL. Not only does it require targeted interventions from a professional, but it literally requires another human witnessing you through the process, which is really why (I believe) DBT-PE informed therapy is so wildly effective. And, most clients I have worked with say they wish they would have done this sooner. Taking the steps now saves you time, money, and suffering in the long run.


Take me for example, I had been putting off targeted trauma therapy for myself for ages, and I am a trauma therapist trained in DBT-PE (how embarrassing)! It took a specific ah-ha moment & realizing the critical turning point I was at in my life as I realized I wanted kids of my own & didn't want to risk being an unhealed mother. And gosh, I'm so glad I did it now instead of later. I might be saving my own kids lots of inherited trouble.


This is your chance to break your generation's cycle & change your DNA!


Summary


DBT-PE is an effective treatment for PTSD & when used to inform individual therapy for anxious millennials with wounding caused by emotionally immature parents, it can create deep, lasting, transformative healing. Divided into 3 Stages, you can heal the harm caused by emotionally immature parents without taking any shortcuts.


As millennials, we're in a unique position to break generational cycles & experience a life our ancestors could have only dreamed of. We have the consciousness, the knowledge & education, the resources, and most importantly, we have the values to propel us to grow & heal so that these wounds don't continue being inflicted upon others. We can become the emotionally mature & available parents we always needed, and improve our quality of life as well as all of our relationships with DBT-PE informed therapy.


Allie Jayne Reed, LMHC, NCC provides DBT-PE informed therapy for millennial women struggling with anxiety as a result of being raised by emotionally immature parents in Washington State. She sees clients in-person in Seattle & offers telehealth sessions for clients throughout WA. Visit alliejaynereedcounseling.com for more information.


To find a therapist who is trained in DBT-PE in your state, use this link: https://dbtpe.org/find-a-therapist


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